Transness.org

Exploring Gender Identity

Keeping up with the Jones’s

on December 3, 2009

God makes us all different, but it is the ego mind (ego is equated with the psyche or mind of man) that feels that it is incomplete and wants to make everything the same.  That keep up with the Jones’s mentality is what gets so many of us in trouble.  Why?  Simply because we are driven to be something we are not.  This happens with gender too.  Maybe you feel like you are not a “good” woman or man, but somehow inferior.  You know the game, my thighs are too big or too small, my waist is fat, or I am way to short.  All the comparison we make of our bodies to others is driven by this inner feeling of insecurity controlled by our ego mind.  Now I am not here to bash the ego, far from it.  Instead I would say that the ego serves its purpose, but it is important to realize when the ego has control over your actions.  Basically I use this method to know if I am in my “right” mind (not ego mind). I simply get in touch with my feelings and focus on the area in the center of my body.  If I am feeling good, then all is OK and I should proceed, but if instead I feel a tight tension, pain or sick feeling then I should re-assess my actions.  I call this soul guidance, because feelings are the seat of the soul.  Your Higher Self or soul is communicating with you through your feelings!  Are you listening?  When you are thinking of beginning a transition be it a gender transformation or a work transition, whatever, check in with your soul!  One thing that many people do not realize is that no one can tell you that you are a man or woman.  Gender Identity is subjective and only you know how you feel.  Many of us know that we feel like a woman very early on and some report as early as 2-3 years old, however many of us do not make that connection that I have this body, I should be feeling this way!  Why?  We have no idea what it feels like to be one sex or the other we only know how we feel and that it is either right or wrong.  I never felt wrong, I only felt like myself.  I had no idea in my early years that I was a woman.  I was given a male body and I accepted that the way I felt was male!  Only later after puberty did I feel like wearing woman’s clothing.  By this time programming had taken over and I was locked into living a lie!  I did question reality so to speak when I was 17, but Harry Benjamin had just released his very strict guidelines for transition and I was a bit freaked out by them.  I mean living a full year as a woman with no help what so ever, no hormones, no surgery, and even the prospects of having counseling help seemed very remote.  So I did my best to be the man everyone else expected me to be.  I was living in my ego mind!  I would have brief moments of “sanity” when I would ‘crossdress’(which in reality was dressing properly in truth).  We can only live the lie for so long before things start to break down.  The feelings at this time of transition can be tricky.  I was scared to death of being “caught” and yet I did it anyway because it felt so good.  It just felt right!  From what I have learned over these last ten years is that these urges to crossdress come in cycles and for most male to female transgender persons it runs around 15 years, and what I mean by this is that we have a period of crisis urges where we dress appropriately or freak out!  Now I am fully in Transition and loving my life as my natural self!  See this is the key to it all.  Being yourself!  Now many of you will say, Duh o.O!  Not everybody lives their authentic selves, even in the transgender world some people are still living a life they believe others want them to.  They are conforming to a bi-gender world, were we are either male or female.  The fact is that gender is a spectrum and you can be any combination of male and female.  Few people are completely one or the other.  This is gender identity not sexual orientation that I am talking about.  So please get in touch with your soul (feelings) and be yourself!  You will be happy you did. 

😉 Sequoia Elisabeth

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