Transness.org

Exploring Gender Identity

Sexual Attraction

on April 1, 2010

Sexual orientation is sometimes confused with gender identity, so I would just like to make it clear that they are different aspects of every human.  It could be that they are aspects for dolphins and apes too, however since I don’t speak those languages I really have no way of knowing. 

The big difference with Sexual orientation (SO) is who we are attracted to and gender identity (GI) is who we feel ourselves to be.  Neither is determined by anyone but yourself, so do not let anyone, doctor, parent, partner or friend tell you your S.O. or G.I.  It is up to you to tell whomever you are comfortable telling and only when you are ready.  Attraction is an innate function of our being that we do not have to do anything to have, however sometimes knowing what it is can be confusing, especially for young adults.   

Friendship attraction is different than sexual attraction and I believe many people confuse them.  I make this statement based on internet sites like yahoo.answers.com.  So many young folks are asking if they are gay or lesbian because they are attracted to a person of the same sex.  As a transsexual woman I can relate to this more than you know.  There are so many beautiful people in the world, it is hard not to be attracted to them.  During the young years when our libido is revving up this is especially so. 

Knowing the difference can be a level of degree.  Meeting someone and having a good feeling inside, but not necessarily intense feelings is the first stage of attraction.  This is common and can be felt with every person you meet.  Finding a person visually attractive, pleasantly smelling, and fun to be around is the second degree which I will call friendship attraction.  Sexual attraction is the overwhelming desire to touch another person, either with your hands, by a kiss, through sexual intercourse or a combination of all the above!  It is important to understand that this attraction is unmistakable, and if you doubt your feelings then they probably fall into the friendship level of attraction.  

My new book will be going into more detail about attraction, love, sex and sexuality, so keep an eye open for that.  I realize that this is an over simplification of the levels involved.  Attraction, like gender can be put on a spectrum scale where one end has repulsion, and range all the way to obsession.  The points of this blog are not to place judgment on where you fall on this scale and instead give yourself permission to love whomever you choose.  Love is the way.

Along with Loving whomever you choose comes responsibility and with that levels of maturity.  Love is a two way street so if “the apple of your eye” is not responding, then what you are feeling is ego love or manmade love.  True love is of Great Spirit or God and when you feel this it is returned to you 10 fold.  This is how you will know when it is true Love.  One of the roughest transitions we go through is maturing enough to know true love when you experience it.  There is no limit to whom or how many times you can have this experience.  Joy is the key and is felt within your heart. 

😉 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

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