Transness.org

Exploring Gender Identity

Illusion of Loss

on June 6, 2010

The process of transition often leads to the illusion of loss.  So what is loss?  Loss is “the state of being deprived of or of being without something that one has had: the loss of old friends.” (Dictionary.com)  It can also refer to the death of a loved one. 

If we look further at this definition we see that it involves possession, “that one has had”.  Straight from these simple words it becomes clear that this is an illusion because possessing another human being is simply not possible.  You do not own your parents and they do not own you.  This goes for every relationship in your live.  It can even be extended to other living things such as pets or plants, although the definition becomes hazier at this point.  You can own a beautiful rose bush, but if you do not love it and care for it then you will lose it.  The same goes for your best friend!

Even if you do love and care, nothing is permanent so eventually it will be lost.  What is really happening of course is that it is changing forms, and the energy still exists just not as it did before.  When you die, your body decays and “you” move on to other experiences either beyond this world or in another form right here in this world.  Often this is why we choose to have children so that our form or essence has a vehicle to continue on. 

The illusion of loss can bring profound pain and feelings of despair to the individual who believes that something horrific has just happened.  Fear is a gripping emotion that can consume your life if allowed to.  In a way you have indeed lost something and that is a particular expression of self.  We often identify with the person or object of loss and feel like a part of ourselves was lost and indeed it has been.  Grieving is expected, so please do not fight this.  Honor the life you identified with as if it were your own.  While at the same time realize that nothing is really lost it has only changed form. 

Life is always changing and evolving.  When this process is embraced and honored wonderful experiences result.  There is no way to find anything better till what you “have” is lost.  For a child to lose a parent this signals a time for the child to step up and replace the parent as best they can, but more importantly the child has the opportunity to fully express their essence, or be themselves! 

🙂 Sequoia Elisabeth

Unity in Gender Diversity

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