Transness.org

Exploring Gender Identity

Identity Crisis

on January 4, 2015

Here are two definitions of what a girly girl is which came up in a discussion recently.  We discovered that we each had a slightly different understanding of this term even though most of the group identified with being a girly girl or at least wanting to be this.  The question I posed was Why?

“Girly girl is a slang term for a girl or woman who chooses to dress and behave in an especially feminine style, such as wearing pink, using make-up, using perfume, dressing in skirts, dresses and blouses, and talking about relationships and other activities which are associated with the traditional gender role of a girl.” (Wikipedia.com 2014)

“Girly Girl: an extremely feminizing girl. A girly girl’s favorite color is usually pink, but also likes other pretty colors like purple, baby blue, and pastels. A girly girl: Cares a lot about how she looks and dresses; wears very feminine, cute, stylish, and sexy clothes like skirts, dresses, cute tops and stylish low-rise jeans; likes wearing high heels; wears a lot of pink; does her hair up nice; wears a lot of makeup; does her nails a lot; loves jewelry; usually not into sports; reads fashion magazines; makes herself as little like a guy as possible; usually into guys as more than just friends but doesn’t have to be into guys like that because sometimes a girly girl can be a femme or lipstick lesbian. Also a girly girl says “like”, “totally”, “Oh my gosh!”, “Oh my God”, and “whatever!” a lot.” (Urban Dictionary 2014, grammar corrected by author)

Ultimately it comes down to being Authentic.  Is this ‘Girly Girl’ your authentic self?  It is also interesting to note that many transwomen have been in relationships with them or want to be.  The question that nags at me is how does this relate to identity?  Does our partner really have to resonate with our own identity?  Isn’t this what these relationships really represent?  Most people choose a partner who embodies their own ideals!  People who they feel fill a void within themselves.

Perhaps this is what drives the Transgender identity.  Sometime a rock is a rock.  Is a rock ever really a tree?  The topic of gender identity can be a confusing one and I certainly do not claim to have it all figured out.  All I can do is work from my own feelings and understandings.  So I invite you to reflect on this topic, to question reality, and to search for your soul!

This quest has been a lifetime journey for me and I welcome the perspective of others who also consciously ask “who am I”?    If you identify as a ‘Girly Girl’ what does this mean to you and why do you identify this way?  However you identify… why have any identity at all?  Is it possible to not have an identity?  Maybe you could un-identify yourself with anything!  The question then moves to how does one relate to the world?

A Course In Miracles (ACIM) states all identity separates and this is insane!  The idea of being separate from anything else is exactly what the Course is undoing.  Nothing is separate from Source (God).  God is all there is, so since there is nothing else to be separate from this idea is false.  Perhaps then the only identity we need is “I am”.  The name of God is “I am that I am”.  When embraced with a comma we experience true reality… “I am that, I am”.

Sequoia Elisabeth J

Unity in Gender Diversity

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2 responses to “Identity Crisis

  1. Katie Meloan says:

    Hi All, I feel that regarding the identity of “girly-girl,” this happens primarily for two reasons: First as a rebellion to and denial of anything “mannish,” in one’s persona, and secondarily as a natural phase of female development. For instance, I have now come to the point of being a “lipstick lesbian” or perhaps even less femme than that, yet feeling and being perceived as a very feminine being was once (and not so long ago) extremely important to me. Simone deBeauvoir has a quote which is very popular among the trans community and no doubt most of you have heard it: “A woman is not born. A woman is made.” In the way that this applies to the girly-girl issue seems to me to be that there is a stage in the development, or “making of a woman,” if you will, in which most females, both cis and trans, go through a girly stage. Some embrace this persona as their own, and some experience it and move on to more practical female identities. I hope that this does not sound judgmental, because I don’t feel that any female identity is any better or worse than another. Some, however, certainly require a lot more time and energy to maintain. And I’m only speaking from my own experience. I almost ruined my feet wearing heels! This little treatise may oversimplify the question, certainly, yet I feel there is some truth to my theory. And it probably applies more to we older transwomen than to the younger ones. Whatcha think?

    • You offer up some valid points Katie, thank you. I will agree that we evolve over time and can attest to being more femme when I started perhaps because it had been repressed for so long. Love the quote also 😉 Sequoia

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